During my active addiction, my mental health was delayed and unkempt, and my attendance showed. Overtaken by emotions, memories and rage, my job suffered. I remember that despite these traits, when a higher position of my skill-set opened up, I was still encouraged to apply. It was difficult to overcome feeling of worthlessness and low self-esteem that delayed my application.
Flash forward over a half year into active recovery, and boy, what a different situation. My performance has improved. The paralyzing anxiety caused by different aspects of my job has become manageable. During my hospitalization, I thought… well. What am I doing? Do I really want to keep working at the office, dealing with the stress of customer service? And deep down, I knew the answer – No.
So I did what I could do with months of being clean. I started to apply to jobs that were in line with my ambitions, skills and passions. Lo and behold, I now have several options to choose from! Who. Would. Have. Thought! I can’t underestimate how this was possible by being clean. Before, I couldn’t even fathom that I deserved a better paying position. Now, I am not comfortable with the sameness and lack of growth and better pay that I am confident I deserve.
List of what I’m grateful for:
1. I’m grateful for the pure and loving moments I had with my ex-partner. He may be a jerk sometimes but I cherish when we were together.
2. I’m appreciative that my brothers can come to me with questions on education and career decisions, because I’m clear-headed to be present.
3. I’m extremely grateful for a 4 work-week!! WOOT WOOT!
4. I’m grateful of the upcoming job opportunities.
5. I’m grateful for the patience and love of my current job, despite my need to outgrow it.
6. I’m grateful for someone who’s become closer in the past few weeks.