Entries from April 2022 ↓

Recovery, Hospitalization & Pain Medication

April 30th, 2022 — General, Physical Health and Recovery

I remember the first time I was prescribed pain medication… It was around 2015, and they had given me codeine.

I hated it.

As it turns out, I was mildly allergic. I had a pretty bad rash and case of hives, mild fever. And so I never touched that again. My doctor later said I might be allergic to the whole oxy’s genre of drugs. Frankly, probably having that as a note in my medical profile ensured my lack of relapse in that regard.

Fast forward several years. I’m in recovery, and I’m back to that same square. I had an dental emergency just prior, and remember that I loved the rush of steroid treatment I felt to accelerate my healing. And then, I was faced with that decision: to pain pill, or not to pain pill?

Everyone seemed to have an opinion. My non-addict friends were like, “Oh nice, you get to have some at least afterwards!” But my new friends in recovery had another opinion. It was more like, “Don’t fucking do it!”

I totally believe that I’m fine. That even if I enjoyed the pain medication, I’d pay with that rash that always annoyed the fuck out of me. That was before I kept noticing a pattern. That many people with more years clean that me had relapsed on pain medication. Sometimes, it was the justification of using since they were already loaded. Or it would just be the fast addiction to the pills, leading them use other substances. All in all, I knew I had to make a choice.

So despite my own beliefs in myself, I trusted in my support group, and my sponsor. I have a few in my home right now, enough for a day, in case the pain has kicked in. But my sponsor has the rest of the bottle, and if I ever do need them, it will be closely monitored.

It hasn’t.

And so, I think I just dodged a bullet. As the lyrics to Metric’s Gimme Sympathy go (yes I know, but I fucking love that song), “We’re so close, to something better left unknown… Stay with the all unknown, stay away from the hooks.”

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Daily Writing Assignment, 4-30-22

April 30th, 2022 — General

  1. I didn’t pray to my HP this morning. And so, the alarms to remind me will begin, for both morning and night.
  2. What I’m grateful for:
    1. I’m grateful that I’m clean and sober today.
    2. That I’ve taken my health serious, and hope to have a full recovery soon.
    3. I’m happy that I can feel my feelings.
    4. I’m grateful that I can learn and adapt, that I’m a student of failure.
    5. I’m grateful that when I hospitalized and almost died, I lived.
    6. Gawd, I love headphones! Because the world is sometimes too loud and I need my own noise.
    7. I’m grateful that I’ve acquired a sense of self-survival. Somehow.
    8. I’m grateful that my town has opened an independent bookstore, and I’m about to jump in the joy for Independent Bookstore Day!!!!!
    9. I’m grateful for Shazam, because I find music I never would have found, or heard, and now its in my collection of favorite songs.
    10. I’m definitely grateful for my doctor, and the non-judgemental attitude of the hospital nurses. I owe them life for my first hospitalization. I don’t know how I can ever repay them.
  3. I have a few fellow addicts of who I plan to talk to today.
  4. I’m planning to attend a meeting this evening.
  5. I plan to pray to my higher power at night. I forgot to do so last night and this morning, and I know its still the morning, but I’d consider that cheating. I’m putting alarms in the morning and night to not forget. Ever.

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Daily Writing Assignment, 4-29-22

April 29th, 2022 — General

Date 4/29/22.

The addicts’ log. Second day of the blog’s Ninety in Ninety “challenge.”

Yesterday’s update: I prayed at night, but I didn’t reach out to another addict, and I didn’t go to a meeting. That will change today. I’ve finally returned home after surgery, and though I love my friend who was my driver and caretaker, being away from tons of alcohol is a relief. I have a redemption complex, and so I will go to an extra meetings today to make up for yesterday.

1. Pray to your HP every morning
2. Make a gratitude list of 10 things you are grateful
3. Reach out call another recovering addict
4. Go to a meeting
5. Pray at night to your HP

As of today:

  1. I prayed to my HP this morning.
  2. What I’m grateful for:
    1. That the pain from surgery is not whelming. Not yet anyway.
    2. I’m grateful that I didn’t drink or use from being in a not-supporting environment.
    3. I’m grateful that I was able to make up a mental health appointment I missed today.
    4. I’m appreciative that I live in an era of technology that makes meeting possible.
    5. I’m grateful that this era of technology allows me to organize online in political causes.
    6. I’m happy that, despite having a wound as it heals, I’m still flexible and mobile.
    7. I’m grateful for the phone numbers of recovered addicts that I was given for future support.
    8. I’m grateful I still have my mind intact, that I can write, I can game, and I can think.
    9. I’m grateful for fucking water!
    10. I’m grateful for my free food services, otherwise I’d be starving or even more broke.
  3. I have gotten a few numbers, and I will do it after 8 am.
  4. I’d like to attend two virtual meetings later today, still.
  5. I plan to pray to my higher power at night, as I did last night.

Log, supplemental, 4/30/22:

I managed to attend two meetings, one virtual, one in person. I interacted with another fellow addict, though he initiated the contact. I’ll count that as the assigned interaction, however, next time I’ll initiate the contact. I did not pray to my HP last night, it’s evident that I will put an alarm to make sure that doesn’t happen again.

 

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The Daily Writing Assignments Begin

April 28th, 2022 — General

Date 4/28/22.

The addicts’ log.

My sponsor’s assignment is the following:

1. Pray to your HP every morning
2. Make a gratitude list of 10 things you are grateful
3. Reach out call another recovering addict
4. Go to a meeting
5. Pray at night to your HP

As of today:

  1. I didn’t pray to my HP this morning. Fail. But will attempt tomorrow.
  2. What I’m grateful for:
    1. That I got my surgery done.
    2. I’m grateful that I didn’t wake up in the middle of the surgery, one of my fears.
    3. That I have a friend that will hold my pain medication, in his safe no less, so I don’t lose my sobriety.
    4. I’m grateful that I am literate.
    5. I’m grateful that I can write like a bad-ass.
    6. I appreciate wholeheartedly the cottage I live in. A place to be alone and recharge.
    7. I’m extremely happy that I had 6 hours of sleep! Longest in a while.
    8. I’m grateful that the person I’m buying the car forgave this month’s payment.
    9. I’m grateful I’m trying not to do the same patterns I learned from not-so-great people.
    10. I’m always grateful for my sponsor, putting up with me every step of the way.
  3. I haven’t reached out to another addict today, yet. I plan too.
  4. I’d like to attend two virtual meetings later today (I’ll update on the items I haven’t done the next day).
  5. I plan to pray to my higher power. I’ll put an alarm if I forget. Same for the morning. Meh, what the heck, I’ll do it right now.

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